A World of InTemperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 2) Read Free Page A

Loo-rah, LeBiz’zare. You’ll be coming with us now, Sunny Jim.”
    “I say, gentlemen, I strongly advise you to exercise caution and avoid the bones, candles, and unspeakable charms strewn in amongst the flooragram across which you walk, eh hem?”
    “It is the time of instigation!”
    Sku LeBiz’zare’s hands weave in mystic formations.
    “Oh my Goodness, y’all, the flooragram is starting to glow!”
    “Everyone out of that circle, immediately!”
    “Eek! Er, I mean, use caution, Citizens, the flooragram is shooting up beams of green-tinged light!”
    “Hahahahahahaha!”
    The VooDoo man holds up a wood and wire cage full of frightened chickens.
    “A sacrifice! Ha, ha. One sacrifice begets another. Ha, ha.”
    With three, quick, sure movements, the malevolent mystic snatches three poor birds from their cage and throws them into the center of the floor.
    Everything and everyone stops: our entourage, Sku Le Biz’zare, and the chickens.
    All eyes are on the chicken show.
    The chickens look around at us in confusion.
    “Golly, y’all, I thought something scary was going to...hunh? What’s happening to the chickens?”
    “One chicken has winked, lad.”
    “Affirmative, O’Hagan. I now have visual confirmation of another chicken having blinked.”
    “That fool chicken just nodded at me!”
    “I see, Winken, Blinken, and Nodde, eh hem?”
    “Woah, watch out! White and green flames are burning intently throughout the flooragram! Now it’s dying back down.”
    “Look at those chickens, y’all, are they all right? Smoke is oozing from the feathers of the bewildered birds.”
    “Winkin is a twitching, me kiddies.”
    “Positive visuals confirm Blinkin in a spasm attack.”
    “That fool Nodde is shuddering like a like a funky chicken.”
    Slowly, one by one, and then suddenly, all at once, the three begin to grow and expand at an alarming rate.
    “Oh my Goodness, they are getting bigger, y’all!”
    “Aye, Winkin gets more snarly as he grows.”
    “Citizen chicken Blinkin grows more feisty.”
    “Yes, and Nodde is in as an agitated state as I have ever seen a chicken!”
    “Gee whiz, y’all, these birds get meaner and scarier the bigger they get!”
    “Oh for Heaven’s sake, gentlemen,” scolds a perplexed Persephone Plumtartt. “Shoot the foul creatures!”
    I consider shooting Sku Le Biz’zare, but I cannot bring myself to shoot a man armed with only a chicken. Instead, I fire on Winkin, but I only wing him.
    BUH- WHOOOMP . POW!!!
    BUH- WHOOOMP . POW!!!
    Concussive blasts shake the house as the constables get off two discharges from their ectoplasmic enhanced rifles, but these eight foot chickens are nimble. Each is able to easily dodge the blasts headed their way.
    “Bloomers and Blarney, now the chickens are after us!”
    “They’ve got us running around like a chicken with its...”
    “Don’t say it, Reverend, there’s a lady present.”
    “All right, me pugilistic poltergoose, you and I are going to come to an understanding. Ow, ow, ow! I understand, You, me giant chicken, are the better man! Keefer, help!”
    “I say, Mr. Temperance and company, your well intended combative efforts are meeting with limited success, eh hem?”
    “Ha, ha, ha. My protective beasts are impervious to your blows! You cannot hurt them! Ha, ha, ha.”
    “Aye, Skully Bizzare is right! Our strikes have no effect against the monsters!”
    “This is a distressing situation, citizens. It looks like we are to be feed for the uncooped.”
    “Reverend Dolomite, bless my canteen!”
    “Bless your canteen? I’ll bless your sweet bippy, you Alabama fool! No, wait, I gotcha! Dear Lord, bless the water in this canteen that it may be used to smite thy enemies! Amen and Hallelujah! Pass the ammunition, boy.”
    “Yessir, just let me splash some Holy water on my boots!”
    “I say, Mr. Temperance, let your blessed boots bear bounty against these behemoth battle bantams, eh hem?”
    “Yes,