A Whole Nother Story Read Free Page A

short blond hair shot out in all directions and his big, round, spiky head reminded Saffron of something in a comic book when one character is hit in the head by another. Inside the jagged bubble, you might see the words Kapow , Blammo , or Zoinks .
    To make matters worse, Crandall’s bald spot had not yet fully grown back. Less than a week before, Crandall had fallen asleep while chewing a wad of bubble gum roughly the size of a billiard ball, something his father had warned him against repeatedly. The following morning, Crandall awoke with Steve the sock puppet firmly stuck to his head, bonded tightly by the hardened pink goo, which had fallen from the boy’s mouth as he slept.
    Following a two-hour operation involving peanut butter, scissors, and crying, Steve the sock puppet and Crandall the crying boy were no longer joined at the head, but each sported a bald spot roughly the size and shape of a silverdollar pancake. Now, nearly a week later, Crandall’s bald spot had partially grown back, though Steve, being a mere sock puppet, would have no such luck.
    “Barton?” said Mr. Cheeseman. “What about your earmuffs?”
    “Dad, I’m fine.”
    “I’d appreciate it if you’d put them on just ’til we get rolling. I’d hate to have you fall over and break your arm on the way to the car.”
    “I’ve been cured of that, Dad, really.”
    Though interested in sports and very athletic, Barton often fell over due to an inner ear imbalance he had had since birth. To give you an idea as to how serious a malady this was, on one occasion he fell down a flight of stairs. It was an escalator going up and he kept falling for two hours until, finally, the mall closed for the night.
    This is where having a brilliant scientist and inventor for a father can come in quite handy. Mr. Cheeseman developed a special set of earmuffs that send out inaudible sound waves to help maintain perfect inner ear balance.
    Barton sighed and pulled the earmuffs from his pocket and put them on.
    “Thanks. I appreciate that,” said Mr. Cheeseman. “Now, how about the rest of you? Are you sure you’ve got everything?”
    “I’ve got everything,” said Crandall.
    “Me too,” said Steve the sock puppet.
    “Oh no,” said Saffron. “I think I forgot my hairbrush.”
    “Who cares about your stupid hairbrush?” said Steve, to which Saffron replied by soundly bonking him on his patchy, one-eyed sock puppet head.
    “Blammo!”

A BIT OF ADVICE FOR INVENTORS
    W hat separates us humans from the animals, besides indoor plumbing, the right to vote, and wrinkle-free slacks, is our capacity to invent things. Things like . . . wrinkle-free slacks.
    Even monkeys, as smart as they might be, have never invented anything. It remains a cold hard fact that even the monkey wrench was invented not by a monkey but by a human. In addition, the dogsled, the bear hug, the crow’s nest, the fish-eye lens, and the catamaran were all invented by humans, not animals. Nothing has ever been invented by an animal, though there are those who, to this day, will argue that horseplay was indeed invented by horses.
    Regardless, the point is that human beings are, by far, the planet’s most prolific inventors. Perhaps the greatest of these inventors was Thomas Alva Edison, who invented, among other things, the name Alva. To give you an idea as to the genius of Edison you should know that at the time of his death he held over twelve hundred patents, which was a lot of weight for a person his age to be holding and is most likely what killed him.
    The patent is the one and only way an inventor can protect himself or herself from those who might wish to steal an idea. Without the benefit of a patent, it is entirely possible that an inventor could be denied any and all credit for a brilliant invention.
    The wheel, for example, was one of the first inventions of early man that resulted in making him even earlier, provided he did not attempt to travel during rush hour.
    The wheel