A Touch of Love Read Free Page B

pocket of his shirt, was now taking his shirt off. It was halfway over his head as he answered:
    ‘Carry on. I know what you mean.’
    ‘I’ve been reading this book. It’s… well, I think it’s clarified a few things about what I may be going through. This woman, she talks a lot about the “I”, the importance of the “I”,’
    ‘The importance of the eye?’
    ‘The “I”, One letter. The – the sense of personal identity. You know, your sense of self, the person you are.’
    ‘Yes, quite.’ Ted tutted. He had not tied a proper knot, the cotton had come adrift, and now he was going to have to start all over again.
    ‘Are you listening?’
    ‘Of course I’m listening. Do you mind if I put the light on a minute? I’m having a few problems here.’
    ‘Well, what do you think?’ he asked, as Ted got up to switch the light on.
    ‘What do I think?’
    ‘What do you think I should do?’
    ‘Well –’ Ted started sucking on the cotton again, and said, ‘perhaps the problem is that you’re lonely. Have you thought about getting a girlfriend?’
    ‘What?’
    ‘You know, someone who could keep this flat tidy, and provide you with a bit of company in the evening. Not someone like Aparna, who’d only argue all the time. Someone stable and supportive.’
    ‘And where would that get me?’
    Ted caught the note of contempt in his voice and, although he was engaged in tying another knot, looked up. He said, very seriously: ‘I know one thing, Robin. I was never really happy before I married Katharine.’
    Robin avoided his eyes.
    ‘I never want to be involved with a woman again,’ he said, and left the room.
    Ted put down the needle, considered these words, and made a mental note to write them down in his file for future reference; for they confirmed, or rather reawakened, a personal theory which he had once entertained regarding Robin. In fact it had been Katharine herself who first suggested it, back at Cambridge. ‘Don’t be stupid,’ he had said at the time, ‘Robin is as normal as you or I’. Gradually, however, the idea had come to seem less incredible, and Ted had overcome his initial revulsion. In an odd way it had even reconciled him to the closeness of Robin’s friendship with Katharine, to the obvious pleasure which they took in each other’s company. Towards the end of their last summer term, the three of them were scarcely to be seen apart. And Katharine had said to him once: ‘It would explain why he is so sensitive.’
    ‘Sensitive?’
    ‘Yes. They’re always the most sensitive.’
    He had asked Robin, subsequently, whether he thought that this was true, that they were always the most sensitive, and he had said yes, it was often the case, and had added that some of the people he most admired were homosexual; which struck Ted, then, as being a shocking admission. But he had told himself, Never mind, he is simply less fortunate than the rest of us, and this display of liberalism had been the cause of much private self-congratulation. It had its limits, of course. For instance, he would never have left Robin alone in a room with Peter. Ted believed that you couldn’t be too careful, where children were concerned.
    Robin came back, and opened the curtains at the window by his desk. The sky was darkening.
    ‘I suppose you’ll have to be getting back soon.’
    ‘Well, I’ve been thinking about that,’ said Ted. He had been thinking, in fact, that it would suit him to call on Dr Fowler the next morning; in which case, he wouldn’t have to visit this dreary part of the world again for more than a month. And he had been thinking, distasteful as he found the ambience of Robin’s flat, that here at least was the chance of a bed for the night. ‘You don’t seem too grand and there’s no real reason why I have to be home tonight. Why don’t I phone Katharine and tell her I won’t be back until tomorrow?’
    ‘If you like,’ said Robin.
    This was not the flood of gratitude that