A Slow Walk to Hell Read Free Page A

one and smile. The SECDEF doesn’t want to give Harris any reason to think the military is engaged in a coverup. You understand what I’m saying, Marty.”
    He was using his I’m-a-general-and-you’re-not voice. I said calmly, “This is bullshit, Charlie.”
    “It’s called politics. You seen the latest poll numbers? Harris is a lock to become the Democrats’ presidential nominee. He’s also holding a six-point lead over the president. Like it or not, the man’s got a better than even chance to be sitting in the White House next January.”
    I bit my tongue to keep from saying something I might regret. “That it?”
    “No.” He waited a beat. “What’s with you and Amanda?”
    I tried not to sound surprised. “What do you mean?”
    “I also assigned her to the case. She’s at home, waiting for your call…”
    “Okay—”
    “When I told her that she’d be teaming with you, she said something mighty curious. She asked if I could find someone to take her place. What the hell is going on? Since when doesn’t she want to work with you?”
    “I don’t know, Charlie.”
    “Don’t give me that crap. If my two best homicide investigators can’t work together, I’ve got a right to know.”
    “I don’t know, Charlie,” I said again.
    “Fine. Play it cute. But there’s a lot riding on this thing. You and Amanda have issues, it’d better not affect your goddamn job. Now call her and get down to Talbot’s.”
    After he hung up, I stood there, staring at the phone. She’s at home, waiting for your call…
    But only because it was her job.
    I punched in her number anyway.
     
    Of course, Major Amanda Gardner was the woman I had strong feelings for. We’d met three years earlier, when she was assigned to assist me on a triple homicide. While I found her bright, competent, and attractive, I was initially put off by her Joan Wayne, supercop attitude. Whether we were crawling over the grisly crime scene or grilling an uncooperative suspect, she felt compelled to prove that she was as tough as any male. If you acknowledged her femininity, made allowances for it in any way, she became angry.
    I didn’t get it. She wasn’t only a cop, she was a woman. A beautiful woman. Why deny it?
    During our second case, I got the nerve to ask her this question, over a few beers. Instead of the telling me to mind my own business, she said, “You sure you want to know?”
    When I nodded, she slipped back to her days as an Air Force Academy cadet and moved forward to the present, explaining what it’s like to be an attractive woman in a man’s world. In a quietly reflective voice, she described a pattern of whispered sexual inferences and unwelcome amorous advances. The harassment had been constant and wearing, and Amanda grew to hate her appearance, hate the way men were attracted to her. When she became an officer, she considered bringing charges against some of the more blatant offenders, but knew that if she did, she would end her military career. In desperation, she decided to alter her image, create a persona that men would find intimidating and less appealing.
    “So I cut my hair, quit wearing makeup, placed chips on both shoulders, and dared anyone to knock them off. I made it clear that I wasn’t someone you messed with.”
    “And the men quit hitting on you?”
    She nodded. “But there was a downside.”
    “They thought you were a dyke?”
    “Yeah.” She smiled. “I’m not, you know.”
    When her eyes lingered on mine, I had my first inkling that she might have feelings for me. In the ensuing years, I tried not to reciprocate them. Looking back, I realized I’d made a mistake. But that’s how it is with emotions; you don’t control them, they control you. Now, when I’d finally reached a place where I could put Nicole’s death behind me, it was too late.
    I’m not naive; I never expected Amanda to wait forever.
    I’d only hoped she’d wait a few more months.
    The phone was ringing in my ear. I