A Lesson of Intensity: Season of Desire Part 2 (Seasons Quartet) Read Free Page B

to die down a little and for my desire to rekindle.
      I gaze out of the window again.
      It’s snowing hard out there. He said that there was almost no visibility when he went out this morning, and that was before it started snowing again. He can’t be scouting in this weather, he won’t be able to see a thing.
      Anxiety flickers in the pit of my stomach.
      What else did he say he was going to do?
      I can’t remember anything else. He’s been gone much longer than it would take to look around. My anxiety flares up into fear. What if something’s happened to him? Perhaps he tripped and fell, maybe he’s broken a leg. He could be lying out there alone in the snow…
      A mental image presents itself: Miles, pulling himself through a snow drift, in agony from an injured leg, his clothes no match for the fearsome power of the elements. He’s fighting it but it’s no good – he’s gradually freezing to death.
      Oh my God – what shall I do?
      I stand up, agitated, and begin to pace around the small room. If he’s out there, I’ll have to go out and find him. There’s nothing else for it.
      What good will it do if you both freeze to death outside? asks the voice in my head. Besides, even if you find him, you won’t be able to carry him. He’s much heavier than you. You should wait here.
      But the image of Miles alone, in danger, in the snow, is too much for me. I pull on my jacket and zip it up with one determined movement. I’m going to go out there, just to take a look. I can’t stay here imagining the worst. Besides, what are my chances of surviving without him? I might get through another day or two but without Miles’s expertise, I’m not likely to make it.
      As I prepare to go outside, it strikes me what a fool I’ve been.
      What the hell was I thinking, talking to him like that?
      I know suddenly that if Miles had given in to my commands – if he’d ever obeyed me in the way I insisted that he did – my desire for him would have fallen away. The antagonism between us, the way it keeps flaring up – it’s important. I think I understand that now. We’re working each other out. Or maybe I’m testing him.
      And I’m giving him every excuse he could possibly want to hate me.
      I shudder inside suddenly at the memory of how I spoke to him earlier, how I must have looked, the way I used my empty threats to try and manipulate him.
      I don’t know if I’m ever going to learn to conquer my tendency to act like a spoiled brat when I feel at my most vulnerable but, maybe, if I can persuade Miles to give me another chance, I can make things right again.
      That’s if I can find him .
      There’s no way I can go far, but I need to check he’s not somewhere nearby. If he were just a metre or two from the hut, unable to make it back alone, how could I live with myself? I’ll do a circuit of the hut, I decide, and see what I can find. If there’s no sign of him, I’ll come back inside.
    Taking a deep breath, I walk to the door. I’m ridiculously ill equipped for this. My clothes are laughably inadequate – I look down at my high-heeled boots, the black leather marked with grey ripples from yesterday’s snowy walk, and look quickly away again. I’ve never considered myself a heroine, but I’m about to venture outside anyway.
      I open the door to a howling gale of snow and wind, and gasp at the intensity of the cold that instantly engulfs me.
      These conditions are deadly. Only an idiot would go out into this weather.
      I won’t get lost, I tell myself. It’ll be okay if I stay close to the hut. I just have to make sure he’s not nearby.
    Then I press my hands into my pockets, lower my chin into the puffy collar, and head out into the white maelstrom.

Chapter Six
    I haven’t gone very far before I know beyond all doubt that this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Forget trusting Jacob, this wins first prize in the numbskull stakes. Going out into the