tale. Oh thank God! She was finally awake from her nightmare! No more strange critters calling her Fairy Tale Killer. No more twitchy porcupines trying to intimidate her with swagger sticks. And no more barren cell without lights or running water.
"What a creepy dream," she muttered.
"That was no dream, Clumsyfoot!"
She yelped and jackknifed up at the low baritone voice. Despite its aggrieved tone, it held a delicious chocolate heat that cut through her surprise and sent shivers all the way down to her toes. She glanced up and saw the most arresting man she'd ever beheld. He was tall, at least six-foot-six, and a wild mane of hair cascaded down his back like golden silk. A simple pale green shirt hung from his massive shoulders, intensifying the emerald of his eyes. Too bad he sported a nasty I-would-kill-you-if-I-could scowl. Otherwise he could've been the exact image of the Prince Charming she'd held in her mind for so long.
"Who are you?" she squeaked.
"Edward."
"Edward who?"
"Doesn't
anybody
remember my real name?" His eyes glowed with annoyance. "The Beast. You already forgot about your vow to Fairy Godmother, didn't you?" When she stared at him mutely, he struck his open palm with a fist. "I knew it!"
She rubbed her eyes and looked again. He didn't disappear. She was glad she wasn't standing up, because her knees would probably have given way. "It wasn't a dream?"
"Oh no." He bared his straight white teeth in something that might've passed for a smile if he'd actually tried to look friendly. "This is very real, and I'm not going anywhere until you help me find Beauty and my dear aunt."
"Your aunt?"
"Didn't you know? The Evil Witch is my aunt."
"No wonder you're so charming."
Edward made a face. "Good Lord no. Don't confuse me with Charming."
"Huh?"
"He's my annoying twin."
A mild headache began knocking inside Melinda's temples. "Identical?"
"Technically. But of course I'm the more handsome."
It was just her luck. All the good-looking men she met were either married, gay or in touch with their inner Narcissus. She wanted to bang her head into her pillows -- never against the wall because it would hurt too much. "What a huge mistake."
"Indeed. You should've stayed in your world, so my aunt couldn't have escaped. Your inconsiderate and foolhardy actions have caused all of us many problems."
"Not
that."
She glared at him. "I should never have complained about your looks. Then you would've stayed a Beast."
III. In Which Our Sleep-Deprived Heroine Breaks Into Tudor Land
Melinda buried her head into her pillows at the loud banging on her door. There was a noise pollution ordinance in her neighborhood, and if whoever was causing the ruckus didn't stop soon, she was going to call the police.
The door burst open. Heart pounding, she sat up, pulling the covers closer to her chest like a shield. Was it a burglar? Some kind of killer? Oh gosh, maybe her mother had been right about getting a Micro-Uzi for home defense...
The Beast -- er, Edward -- strode inside. "I tried to summon your maid to wake you up, but I couldn't find her anywhere. Regardless, it is time."
The tension dissipated, although a bit of adrenaline remained. She glanced at the bedside clock radio. 5:43 a.m.
"Time to continue sleeping."
She flopped back on the bed with her back turned to him and wrapped the sheets around herself tightly. Fairy Godmother had said the watch needed some sun to locate the Wicked Witch. Melinda had planned to take full advantage of the night and freshen up before she faced the daunting task of getting everyone in one room within three days.
"Sleep? What utter nonsense. It is a glorious morning." He pushed the curtains from the windows, revealing what might possibly have been a slight lightening of the blackness outside. "Look!"
"What it is, is the crack of dawn," she mumbled. Her brain never worked well this early in the morning, especially without a jolt of caffeine. It was a miracle she could string