A Fantastic Holiday Season: The Gift of Stories Read Free Page A

naturals and unnatural. The holidays should be for everybody, not just kids who pass some arbitrary naughty-or-nice test. Even naughty kids deserve presents, don’t they?”
    From the sidewalk crowds, a smattering of natural and unnatural children cheered—kids who knew they were included in the Naughty column, no doubt.
    “Santa Claus has had a monopoly on the Christmas season for far too long—but I intend to undercut his position. Elfis Industries has wider distribution, more fairness, and less discrimination. More transparency in holiday gift-giving! We’re going to expose all those ‘secret admirer’ gifts for what they are. And no more bribery with milk and cookies. Everyone deserves a present, and I’m the one to give it to them. It’s time to put the kitsch back into Christmas!”
    His elves began handing out candy canes, traditional red-and-white striped ones, blood-red ones, and black ones. A witch dressed in a midnight-blue gown and pointy cap stood by her young son who looked as if he might grow up to be a powerful necromancer. The boy ran forward to take a black candy cane, but his mother scolded him. “I told you not to take candy from strangers!”
    The boy pouted. “He’s not a stranger, Mom—that’s Elfis! ”
    “Oh,” the witch said, and handed him back the cane.
    The motorized sleigh rolled by, with Elfis in his sequins and sunglasses waving from under his palm trees. He called out, “Who needs the cold? I have nightmares about a white Christmas! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow—but somewhere far away! Stick with me, and the holidays will have a warm and sunny glow.”
    After the parade passed, Sheyenne leaned close to me. “So that’s why Santa is so worried. He’s got competition this year. And if his rival does a better job satisfying the customers …”
    “Then Santa Claus won’t be coming to town anymore,” I said. “We might have our first suspect. Elfis has a motive to sabotage Santa’s work. I better go talk to him and find out if his intentions really are as pure as new fallen snow.”
    I could tell this case was going to spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
    4
    After Sheyenne and I had a quick lunch at the diner (pink slime was on special), I went off to continue my investigation.
    The headquarters for the competitive holiday operation was an office building in front of a fenced compound of airplane-hangar-sized structures, no doubt where Elfis manufactured and stored all the toys he planned to distribute ahead of his business rival. According to Sheyenne, Elfis’s ads promised delivery by Christmas Eve Eve.
    The sign at the front entrance had giant letters painted like candy canes, surrounded by yellow suns: “North Pole South: We’re Better Because We’re Closer to the Equator.” Around the doorway was strewn blue sand or fake snow, which seemed incongruous … until I remembered “Blue Christmas.”
    When I entered the front door of North Pole South, I heard many busy bodies working in the back, but the reception counter was empty except for a fist-sized fake rock sitting on top of an index card that said “Ring bell for service.” I picked up the stone and realized it was hollow. When I shook it, a tinkling chime rang out.
    A female elf receptionist scurried out of the back, smiling sweetly with her pinched face. “I see you found our Jingle-Bell Rock,” she snickered. “Very clever, don’t you think? Elfis came up with it himself.” She shuffled papers and handed me a temporary-employment application. “Looking for part-time holiday work? Many positions available.”
    I shook snow from the brim of my fedora. “That would be a conflict of interest. I’ve been retained by Santa Claus.”
    The receptionist’s eyebrows rose. “I’ll let Elfis know you’re here.” She took back the Jingle-Bell Rock and punched an extension on her phone. “He told us to expect an overture from Mr. Claus.”
    “Overture?” I asked. “I can barely hum a tune.”
    Elfis