27 Wagons Full of Cotton and Other Plays Read Free Page B

Meighan. Baby, this is a very down-at-the-mouth young fellow I want you to cheer up fo’ me. He thinks he’s out of luck because his cotton gin burnt down. He’s got twenty-seven wagons full of cotton to be ginned out on a hurry-up order from his most impo’tant customers in Mobile. Well, suh, I said to him, Mr. Vicarro, you’re to be congratulated—not because it burnt down, but because I happen to be in a situation to take the business over. Now you tell him just how lucky he is!
    F LORA: ( nervously )Well, Í guess he don’t see how it was lucky to have his gin burned down.
    V ICARRO: ( acidly )No, ma’am.
    J AKE: ( quickly )Mr. Vicarro. Some fellows marry a girl when she’s little an’ tiny. They like a small figure. See? Then, when the girl gets comfo’tably settled down—what does she do? Puts on flesh—of cou’se!
    F LORA: ( bashfully )Jake!
    J AKE: Now then! How do they react? Accept it as a matter of cou’se, as something which ‘as been ordained by nature? Nope! No, suh, not a bit! They sta’t to feeling abused. They think that fate must have a grudge against them because the little woman is not so little as she used to be. Because she’s gone an’ put on a matronly figure. Well, suh, that’s at the root of a lot of domestic trouble. However, Mr. Vicarro, I never made that mistake. When I fell in love with this baby-doll I’ve got here, she was just the same size then that you see her today.
    F LORA: ( crossing shyly to porch rail )Jake . . .
    J AKE: ( grinning )A woman not large but tremendous! That’s how I liked her—tremendous! I told her right off, when I slipped th’ ring on her finger, one Satiddy night in a boat-house on Moon Lake—I said to her, Honey, if you take off one single pound of that body—I’m going to quit yuh! I’mgoing to quit yuh, I said, the minute I notice you’ve started to take off weight!
    F LORA: Aw, Jake—please!
    J AKE: I don’t want nothing little, not in a woman. I’m not after nothing petite, as the Frenchmen call it. This is what I wanted —and what I got! Look at her, Mr. Vicarro. Look at her blush! ( He grips the back of Flora’s neck and tries to turn her around. )
    F LORA: Aw, quit, Jake! Quit, will yuh?
    J AKE: See what a doll she is? ( Flora turns suddenly and spanks him with the kid purse. He cackles and runs down the steps. At the corner of the house, he stops and turns. )Baby, you keep Mr. Vicarro comfo’table while I’m ginnin’ out that twenty-seven wagons full of cotton. Th’ good-neighbor policy, Mr. Vicarro. You do me a good turn an’ I’ll do you a good one! Be see’n’ yuh! So long, Baby! ( He walks away with an energetic stride. )
    V ICARRO: The good-neighbor policy! ( He sits on the porch steps. )
    F LORA: ( sitting on the swing )Izzen he out- ray -juss! ( She laughs foolishly and puts the purse in her lap. Vicarro stares gloomily across the dancing brilliance of the fields. His lip sticks out like a pouting child’s. A rooster crows in the distance. )
    F LORA: I would’n’ dare to expose myself like that.
    V ICARRO: Expose? To what?
    F LORA: The sun. I take a terrible burn. I’ll never forget the burn I took one time. It was on Moon Lake one Sunday before I was married. I never did like t’ go fishin’ but this young fellow, one of the Peterson boys, insisted that we go fishin’. Well, he didn’t catch nothin’ but jus’ kep’ fishin’ an’ fishin’ an’ I set there in th’ boat with all that hot sun on me. I said, Stay under the willows. But he would’n’ lissen to me,an’ sure enough I took such an awful burn I had t’ sleep on m’ stummick th’ nex’ three nights.
    V ICARRO: ( absently )What did you say? You got sun-burned?
    F LORA: Yes. One time on Moon Lake.
    V ICARRO: That’s too bad. You got over it all right?
    F LORA: Oh, yes. Finally. Yes.
    V ICARRO: That must ‘ve been pretty bad.
    F LORA: I fell in the lake once, too. Also with one of the Peterson boys. On another fishing trip. That was