“goblin” spelled backward!)
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Picture Award goes to … David Hills and Brenda Norris for producing and Rosella Drudi and Drake Floyd for writing and directing a movie titled Troll 2 that features no trolls. Not one. Not even one of those spikey-haired Norwegian dolls.
And the Most Shocking Misuse of Magical Time Distortion Award goes to … Little Josh (played by Michael Stephenson). When his magical undead grandpa manages to stop time for a few seconds, Josh pees on the poisoned food the goblins are using to turn humans into vegetables, thus stopping his family from eating it. Yuck!!!!
They Really Said It!
Holly : If my father discovers you here, he'll cut off your little nuts and eat them.
Betcha Didn't Know
Morgan, Utah, the town that served as Nilbog in the film, played host to a festival in June of 2008 that celebrated Troll 2 .
David Hills is one of the seventy (verified) pseudonyms for the late, multitalented Italian writer/director/producer/composer cinematographer/pornographer Joe D'Amato. (Joe D'Amato is itself a pseudonym, as he was born Arestide Massaccesi.)
Trivia Quiz
How do the flesh-eating goblins in Troll 2 manage to keep true to their vegetarian diets?
A: They eat tofu, the substance that alchemists sought after for centuries, because it can be transformed into any conceivable food item.
B: Fish, and lots of it.
C: They eat fillet of soul.
D: They turn people into plants then reduce them to a Cream of Wheat — like substance.
Answer: D. They turn people into plants, then reduce them to a Cream of Wheat — like substance. And no, it still doesn't make sense after you've seen the movie.
CHAPTER TWO
BIG BUDGET BOMBS
Sometimes, even the best idea doesn't click with the audience. Sometimes, a film was just too expensive and the investment couldn't be recovered. And then there are films that fail because they deserve to.
THE BLACK DAHLIA
Universal Pictures/Millennium Films, 2006
PRODUCERS Rudy Cohen, Moshe Diamant, Avi Lerner, and Art Linson
WRITERS Josh Friedman (script), James Ellroy (novel)
DIRECTOR Brian De Palma
STARS Josh Hartnett ( Bucky Bleichert ), Aaron Eckhart ( Lee Blanchard ), Scarlett Johansson ( Kay Lake ), Mia Kirshner ( Elizabeth Short ), and Hilary Swank ( Madeleine Linscott )
A publicity-hungry police detective (Eckhart) arranges to have himself and his younger partner (Hartnett) assigned to the grisly murder of a would-be actress (Kirshner). As one detective starts to mysteriously come unglued, the other uncovers not only dark secrets relating to the dead actress, but to his partner as well.
Why It Sucks
Does it seem weird that the Black Dahlia murder, one of the most well-known scandals in Hollywood history and the title of the freakin' film is relegated to a minor tangent in this movie? The story moves randomly from plot to subplot, while director De Palma swings widely between cinematic tones and styles, from film noir to documentary. Not a single shot in the film lasts more than ten seconds, and all the quick edits and jumps accomplish nothing other than to provide insight into what it must be like to suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Actor Award goes to … Josh Hartnett for the role of Bucky Bleichert. The character's such a weepy crybaby that you feel embarrassed for him.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Brian De Palma for having such inability to command a proper tone that he can't even make footage from a supposed screen test of Elizabeth Short believable.
They Really Said It!
Bucky Bleichert : The basic rules of homicide applied: Nothing stays buried forever. Corpses. Ghosts. Nothing stays buried forever. Nothing.
Betcha Didn't Know
The film had an estimated budget of $50 million, but it only grossed around $23 million during its American theatrical run.
Brian De Palma also directed the 2007 flop Redacted . It cost $5 million to make, but barely
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Picture Award goes to … David Hills and Brenda Norris for producing and Rosella Drudi and Drake Floyd for writing and directing a movie titled Troll 2 that features no trolls. Not one. Not even one of those spikey-haired Norwegian dolls.
And the Most Shocking Misuse of Magical Time Distortion Award goes to … Little Josh (played by Michael Stephenson). When his magical undead grandpa manages to stop time for a few seconds, Josh pees on the poisoned food the goblins are using to turn humans into vegetables, thus stopping his family from eating it. Yuck!!!!
They Really Said It!
Holly : If my father discovers you here, he'll cut off your little nuts and eat them.
Betcha Didn't Know
Morgan, Utah, the town that served as Nilbog in the film, played host to a festival in June of 2008 that celebrated Troll 2 .
David Hills is one of the seventy (verified) pseudonyms for the late, multitalented Italian writer/director/producer/composer cinematographer/pornographer Joe D'Amato. (Joe D'Amato is itself a pseudonym, as he was born Arestide Massaccesi.)
Trivia Quiz
How do the flesh-eating goblins in Troll 2 manage to keep true to their vegetarian diets?
A: They eat tofu, the substance that alchemists sought after for centuries, because it can be transformed into any conceivable food item.
B: Fish, and lots of it.
C: They eat fillet of soul.
D: They turn people into plants then reduce them to a Cream of Wheat — like substance.
Answer: D. They turn people into plants, then reduce them to a Cream of Wheat — like substance. And no, it still doesn't make sense after you've seen the movie.
CHAPTER TWO
BIG BUDGET BOMBS
Sometimes, even the best idea doesn't click with the audience. Sometimes, a film was just too expensive and the investment couldn't be recovered. And then there are films that fail because they deserve to.
THE BLACK DAHLIA
Universal Pictures/Millennium Films, 2006
PRODUCERS Rudy Cohen, Moshe Diamant, Avi Lerner, and Art Linson
WRITERS Josh Friedman (script), James Ellroy (novel)
DIRECTOR Brian De Palma
STARS Josh Hartnett ( Bucky Bleichert ), Aaron Eckhart ( Lee Blanchard ), Scarlett Johansson ( Kay Lake ), Mia Kirshner ( Elizabeth Short ), and Hilary Swank ( Madeleine Linscott )
A publicity-hungry police detective (Eckhart) arranges to have himself and his younger partner (Hartnett) assigned to the grisly murder of a would-be actress (Kirshner). As one detective starts to mysteriously come unglued, the other uncovers not only dark secrets relating to the dead actress, but to his partner as well.
Why It Sucks
Does it seem weird that the Black Dahlia murder, one of the most well-known scandals in Hollywood history and the title of the freakin' film is relegated to a minor tangent in this movie? The story moves randomly from plot to subplot, while director De Palma swings widely between cinematic tones and styles, from film noir to documentary. Not a single shot in the film lasts more than ten seconds, and all the quick edits and jumps accomplish nothing other than to provide insight into what it must be like to suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder.
Thumbs Down Rating:
The Crappies
The Worst Actor Award goes to … Josh Hartnett for the role of Bucky Bleichert. The character's such a weepy crybaby that you feel embarrassed for him.
And the Worst Director Award goes to … Brian De Palma for having such inability to command a proper tone that he can't even make footage from a supposed screen test of Elizabeth Short believable.
They Really Said It!
Bucky Bleichert : The basic rules of homicide applied: Nothing stays buried forever. Corpses. Ghosts. Nothing stays buried forever. Nothing.
Betcha Didn't Know
The film had an estimated budget of $50 million, but it only grossed around $23 million during its American theatrical run.
Brian De Palma also directed the 2007 flop Redacted . It cost $5 million to make, but barely
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